Épisode Votez pour mon père S01E09 - My Name Is Earl Saison 1

OPENING SCENE: Earl is walking up to a house, and stops on footpath.

Earl: (v.o) I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about doing number 86 on my list.Stole a car from a one legged girl.

FLASHBACK: Earl drives off in car, one legged girl hopping holding a rifle.

Didi: you said you loved me! (shoots rifle)

(Earl continues driving)

CUT TO: Present – Earl standing outside house, walks to the door. Didi opens it, realizing who it is.

Earl: (v.o) I understand why she was so upset, that car was like a leg to her.

Earl: if you’ll just let me explain.

Didi: you son of a bitch. (throws coffee cup at him, hops after him.)

Earl: wow you move pretty good, with that leg Didi.

Earl: (v.o) and as handicapable as one leg to Didi was, her no legged boyfriend was handicapablly. (Didi’s boyfriend has robotic looking legs)

Earl: Damn. (Earl starts to run. Didi’s boyfriend chases him)

Earl: (v.o) I was starting to think that today wasn’t the day to do number 86 on my list. Maybe karma wanted me somewhere else.

(Earl trips over and Didi’s boyfriend picks up a sign and starts hitting Earl with it.

Earl: (v.o) and then I got a sign. (The sign Didi’s boyfriend is hitting Earl with is ‘Marty Park for Mayor’) Number 4, Blew dads chance of being elected mayor.

CUT TO: Motel room, Catalina and Randy are there. Earl is lying on the bed with ice on his head.

Catalina: so how many times did Robo man hit you with that sign?

Earl: I don’t know, I blacked out after about seven. Still can’t figure out why he took my boots. Seems like a pointless crime.

Randy: man I wish I had robot legs. Or robot hands. Robot hands would be cool. With like a knife finger and a spoon finger and a fork finger and a toothbrush finger and a comb finger and a bottle opener finger, and a flashlight finger, and a screwdriver finger… but regular thumbs. You got to have regular thumbs.

Earl: true.

Catalina: (looking at the mayor sign) so you’re gonna ask your father to run for this mayor thingy.

Earl: if he’ll talk to me. We don’t exactly have the best relationship.

FLASHBACKS:

( 1972- Earl mom Kay is changing baby Earls nappy while Carl Hickey is watching tv).

Earl: (v.o) that’s me. Baby Earl. And that’s my dad Carl Hickey.

Carl: typical dirty politicians, that’s corrupted all the way (baby Earl pees in Carls face.) point that boys dingle the other way. He ruined my blueberry crumble.

Earl: (v.o) my father was the kind of guy that was always frustrated with the world and as I grew older he became more and more frustrated with me as well.

(1977 – 5 or 6 year old Earl walks out to the table where Carl is with his buddies.)

Rick: (walks over to Earl) Well Earl. What are you doing up so late (rubs Earls head) Little fella. (Young Earl punches him in the balls)

Carl: sorry Rick. We’re having him tested.

(1983 – Carl is asleep, in front of tv).

Earl: (v.o) whether it was getting behind Ford to govern, Carter or the metric system. My father was always on the losing side of things.

(Young Earl and Young Randy cut off some of Carls hair while he is sleeping and glue it under his nose to look like Adolf Hitler.)

Earl: (v.o) hell even in his own castle he wasn’t king. His own sons gave him less respect than the world did.

Earl: (v.o) as I grew older, my pranks got the attention of the authorities. (Earl and Randy are trying to rob an atm with a blowtorch)

Police: Police Freeze.

Earl: it ate my card.

(Jail – Earl and Randy. Carl bails them out.)

Earl: (v.o) but as frustrated as he was with us, Dad came to bail us out. Of course bailing us out gave us another opportunity to get into more trouble. (Earl and Randy are trying to break into banks armoured truck, the police show up. )

Police: Stop, or I’ll shoot you in the face.

Earl: I locked my keys in my car.

(Jail – Earl and Randy – Carl bails them out.)

Earl: (v.o) but as frustrated as he was Dad bailed us out again. And again. (dressed as ushers). And again (dressed as security guards). But eventually Dad gave up on us.

Guard: Looks like your in for the night.

( Earl and Randy are sitting in the cell dressed as a priest and a nun)

Randy: is it my fault we got caught.

Earl: of course it was your fault. I was half way down the block with the basket of money and you tripped over your damn dress. I told you to go as a priest but nooo. You thought it would be fun to dress as a nun. If you were to listen to me instead of worrying so much about tryi (starts laughing)

Randy: it’s funny isn’t it? Is it funny?

Earl: yeah its funny.

Randy: I told you. Its because I’m a man. But I’m dressed like a woman.

CUT TO: Carl watching tv.

Earl: (v.o) I did a lot of things to disappoint my dad but it was something I did 4 years ago that hurt him the most.

Marty Park: if you’re like me you are always asking for something., How could our children learn to putt with ….. the fairway. Let’s send those planes away from our fairways, away from nearby homes and over this blank spot. Here. Vote Marty Park for mayor. Golf scores come down, home values go up. Paid for by Marty Park for Mayor.

Carl: (angrily) the blank spot is us. He’s got planes flying over the blank spot Kay. The blank spot is us.

(Carl places a Vote Hickey for Mayor sign outside his house)

Earl: (v.o) my father was mad as hell and for the first time in his life he wasn’t gonna leave it up to the politicians to change the world. He was gonna change it himself. He decided to run for mayor.

(Carl places a sign outside his store ‘honk for your peace and quiet’, Cars honk, Carl waves)

CUT TO: Joy is pulled over. She gets out of the car.

Earl: (v.o) Back when I was married to joy she often filled the role of designated driver. (Earl and Randy are in the back of the ute, drinking, Earl throws an empty beer can, it hits a cop car on the side of the road.) Of course that didn’t mean we stayed out of trouble. (Cop car follows them,pulls them over)

Joy: (gets out of car) what kind of idiot throws a beer can at a cop car.

Officer: ma’am I need you to get back into your vehicle.

Joy: If I lose my license because of you I swear to god Earl. (hitting him)

Officer: I need you to get back in your vehicle. I don’t want to use my taser.

Joy: oh please. Put your little ray gun away.

Randy: shoot her.

Earl: no no don’t shoot her.

Randy: (laughing) shoot her.

Officer: get back in your vehicle miss, i-i-I will tase you.

Joy: I wish you would tase me. I would sue your ass so fast you (Joy gets shot with the taser gun, Randy’s laughing, while Earl gets out of the car and goes for the police officer.)

CUT TO: Carl Hickey, who is watching Earl attacking the police officer on tv for a Marty Park for Mayor advert.

Marty Park: for years Carl Hickeys son has been a menace to the good people of Camden County and now he’s assaulting the police. How can Carl Hickey raise our standard of living, when he can’t even raise his own son? Paid for by Marty Park for Mayor.

(Carl puts his head in his hands)

CUT TO: Carl trying to take down his Carl Hickey for Mayor sign outside his house, he starts kicking it, while Kay is on the phone watching him.

Earl: (v.o) It was my dad’s one chance in life to make a difference in the world. I ruined it.

Kay: he’s not going to be able to see you tonight, I’m gonna have to crush up a little sleep aid in his pudding snack.

Earl: (v.o) he lost in a landslide. Not only did I take away his chance of winning, I took away his will to fight.

CUT TO: Present - 2005 - Earl’s car pulls up outside his parent’s house.

Earl: (v.o) I wasn’t excited to go see my folks, tried to get Randy to go with me but just talking about it made him nervous. So after a few days I decided to brave it alone.

(Earl knocks on front door. His mother answers while she’s on the phone)

Kay: (in phone) and than I said (looks at Earl) Doris I’m gonna to call you back later.

Earl: hey mom.

Kay: need money son is that it?

Earl: no I just wanna –

Carl: (o.s) hey, who is it?

Kay: just some Mormons Carl. (whispers, to Earl) look he’s out on the Mormons, so scoot, I’ll put twenty dollars under the lawn goose.

Earl: I don’t need money mom.

Carl: for the last time boys, (walks to the door) we already have a lord. (Earl waves, Carl walks away)

Earl: (follows him) Dad wait. (Carl sits down) look I’ve changed. We need to talk. (Carl turns on TV)

Kay: ok we’re starting supper. (whispers to Earl) I’ll leave thirty dollars under the goose and some power bars.

Earl: look I’ve made a list of all the bad things I did and I’m making up for em. Ruining your election is number four.

Carl: what election? (changes channels)

Earl: to be mayor.

Carl: idiot, that was four years ago, why in …. Would I want to do politics now. (loud planes fly over, can’t hear what he says, the pictures tilt) I should have sold your useless behind to the traveling circus (straighten picture above his head)

Earl: but you can win. I’ll help. You’ll see, I’ve changed. (Carl changes the channel) Dad? (Carl changes channel again) so this is it, you never want to see your sons again? You’ve just completely written me and Randy right out of your life.

(Randy walks out of room, Earl and Kay turn around)

Earl: Randy!

Randy: no. (closes the door)

Earl: (looking between Kay and Carl) what’s he doing here?

Kay: he’s here every Sunday (walking Earl towards the door)

Earl: he told me he was in a regular poker game.

Kay: he is. We play for those little marshmallows, then when we’re done, we divide em up and put them in our cocoa. That way everybody wins.

Earl: how can you hate me but you’ll gamble for marshmallows with Randy.

Kay; well there’s a difference between you two. See one of you’s bad, and one of you’s simple. Earl, you’re bad.

Randy: (opens door and pokes his head out) what am i?

Earl: Randy!

Randy: no. (closes door)

Carl: Kay!

Kay: check under the goose, twenty minutes.

Earl: no mom, I don’t need any money (Kay closes door in his face)

CUT TO: Earl at Motel room, writing a list

Catalina: (putting the pillows in pillowcases) I’m sure your parents will forgive you eventually. Your mom is sweet. And Carl has a very good heart.

Earl: Have you been there too?

Catalina: no. (walks quickly into the bathroom)

Randy: (opens the front door) Are you mad at me?

Earl: I’m fine.

Randy: are you sure?

Earl: just, come in. I’m not mad at you.

Randy: (walks in) what are you doin?

Earl: I’m entering Dad in the election race, whether he says he wants me to or not.

Randy: so you can cross him off your list.

Earl: it’s about more than the list Randy. I want him to see I’ve changed. I want us to be a family again.

Randy: that would be cool. Plus if Dad was mayor, we’d get to wear top hats and sashes and judge beauty contests.

Earl: that’s monopoly Randy.

Randy: (thinking, starts shaking his head) no that’s not monopoly.

CUT TO: Plane flying over Carl Hickeys house. Kay straightens up the pictures. Carl is sitting in his chair. Carl turns on tv.

Rhonda: Welcome to the debate for Camden city mayor. Hi, I’m Rhonda Gabes, and this is a live broadcast, incumbents Marty Park will be debating challenger Carl Hickey,

Carl: what the heck?

Kay: We should start taping, you’re gonna be on tv?

Carl: I’m not running for mayor, how the heck do they think I’m gonna debate if I’m sitting right here.

Rhonda: (on tv) Filling in for Carl Hickey, will be his son Earl Hickey. (Carl sees Earl in suit on tv)

Carl: no no no no no.

Earl: (on tv) my father is feeling a little under the weather.

Carl: now don’t embarrass me. Don’t embarrass me.

Rhonda: (on tv) nothing serious I hope.

Earl: (on tv) ahhh diahhorea.

(Carl puts his head in his hands, ashamed)

Kay: I’m going to get you a little ginger ale, that always helps your tummy.

CUT TO: Studio where they are holding the debate.

Marty Park: and by administrations, carful budget realoccation, targeting out transportation infrastructure has already made Camden streets and bridges, the envy of this great state.

Rhonda: Mr Hickey. Your views on transportation infrastructure.

Earl: (quiet, thinking) one time my dad made his own driveway seal out of maple syrup and ground up glass. Randy tried it on pancakes, that’s another story. But if you’ve got a minute I’d like to –

Carl: would you get off the stage you idiot!

Earl: are you talking to me or him?

Carl: I’m talking to you Earl. You’re embarrassing us all (the camera is on him, he hides) hey hey that’s enough of that. Stop stop stop it

Kay: (on the phone at the house) I told Carl those pants make his legs look stubby.

Carl: ok fine, put this on TV. Don’t vote for me, I don’t want t o be mayor. I ran four years ago to stop the jet planesfrom flying over but until he brought it up I hadn’t thought about the planes for ages, I’ve gotten used to them. Everybody’s gotten used to them. It’s fine.

Earl: (v.o) he was right. People had gotten used to them, until now.

Kay: can you hear that Doris? Hold on.

Earl: (v.o) once Dad mentioned to jet planes on tv. People started to notice again. A lot of people. All of a sudden people started to notice the noise they had gotten used to

(Strip club. Crab Shack, Willie is playing pool, the plane interrupts his shot. Two people having sex)

(Joy’s Trailer - Joy and Darnell playing Mousetrap.)

Joy: I’m gonna kick somebody’s ass!

CUT TO: Carl Hickey’s store ‘ U Frame It”, a campaign is happening out front.

Earl: (v.o) my dad’s words had reminded people how much they hated the airplanes. So many people called my dad the next day that he decided to enter the election. Thanks to me he was once again fighting for what he believed in.

Carl: I’m Carl Hickey and I need your vote. (hands out badges, plane flies over) But I should have to shout over airplanes to get it! (everyone applauds) Thankyou.

Randy: Now don’t misunderstand the cookie. We like air travel, we just don’t want planes flying over our heads. Its all on the back of the cookie.

Carl: Morning.

Earl: Vote Hickey. Vote Hickey. Alright way to go Dad we’re gonna win this thing.

Carl: now you get the heck out of here.

Earl: what! Why? I’m the reason you’re running again.

Carl: I’m running because the people asked me to. Not because of your foolish behind. Scram!

Earl: Dad its on my list, I need to help.

Carl: your list..

Randy: dad the photographer from the newspaper’s here we got to hurry though. A chicken truck tipped over on the interstate.

Carl: (to Kay) put some more spit on my cowlick so I look more mayor like.

Kay: mayoral.

Carl: Kay easy that’s three corrections today.

Kay: your doing interviews

Carl: it not your day to shine. It’s my time to shine.

Kay: mayoral like.

Earl: Dad look I’ve changed alright. Just let me stay I won’t embarrass you.

Carl: what do you think you’re doing right now. Huh?

Carl : here you go fella. I always like to help the homeless. Don’t spend it on booze.

Earl: Dad! move along hobo.

Earl: (v.o) unfortunately things were still bad between my dad and I and they were about to get worse.

CUT TO: Crab shack. Earl throws newspaper on the bar

Earl: dad’s gonna lose.

Catalina: what

Randy: Poll shows Carl Hickey is down by 2000 votes on all register voters.

Earl: see he’s gonna lose again and blame me for getting him into it.

Catalina: what are registered voters?

Earl: people who sign up to vote I guess.

Randy: maybe you and me should sign up.

Earl: he’s down by more than 2 votes Randy.

Catalina; can I register to vote?

Randy: (rolls his eyes) he’s down by more than 3 votes Catalina.

Earl: Wait a second.

Earl: (v.o) and then it hit me. There must be a ton of people who would vote for my dad. They just aren’t registered. A whole untapped market of uncaring, unregistered and even unconscious voters out there. And I Earl Hickey, could reach em. Poor people, uneducated people, undesirable people, people like me. After almost no training I became an official voter registrar (Earl leaves registrar office and gets in his car). Registering new voters was fun.

CUT TO: Strip club – 2 strippers at the pole.

Earl: Jasmine, Savannah I’d like to talk to you ladies about another kind of poll.

CUT TO: Camden County Jail. – Earl is waiting outside. Walks up to a guy arrested in the back of a police car.

Earl: Felony or Misdemenour?

Guy: misdemenour.

Earl: Great. Can we talk. (shows him an piece of paper)

CUT TO: Crab Shack. Earl talking to old guy from 101 and 102

Earl: if you register to vote you can finally have a voice.

Guy : sign me up.

CUT TO: Joy’s Trailer – Darnell and Joy are playing mouse trap.

Joy; fine I’ll sign up to vote if you take me to pick up the suburu. Squirrels moved in and chewed up the wires again.

Earl: no problem.

Joy: alright (stands up) Come on Darnell. You can sign up too.

Darnell: I’m already registered to vote.

Joy: What!

Darnell: not that it matters. Cos until we reform to electoral college the popular votes will be ignored and will keep rejecting prisoners that only get the minority of the vote.

(Earl and Joy look at each other)

Joy: (to Earl) it must be some black stuff. I don’t know what he’s talking about.

CUT TO: Earl driving

Joy: how many of these things did you fill out.

Earl: hopefully enough to win my dad the election.

Joy: hey Randy! Take these will ya. (Joy hand Randy the pile of forms, Randy is sitting in the back of the ute, he doesn’t hold onto them and they fly away)

Earl: Hold on to those Randy.

(Officer on the side of the road singing,as Earl drives past with the papers flying from Randy.

Officer: Sir. I need you to get back in your vehicle.

Earl: no no I got to pick up these sign up slips for

Officer: I need you to get in your vehicle now!.

Earl: (sees forms flying into drain, starts to run towards the drain) oh god.

(the officer shoots him with the taser gun. Earl stumbles towards him, and pushes him against the car’s bonnet.)

CUT TO: Carl Hickey watching it on tv.

Marty Park: how could Carl Hickey raise our standard of living when he can’t even raise his own son. Paid for by Marty Park for Mayor.

(Carl puts his head in his hands defeated, while a plane flies over)

Earl: (v.o) once again thanks to me Dad lost the election in a landslide.

(Carl is trying to pull out his mayor sign from his front yard)

Kay: (on phone) …. Eliminated but still all fired up. Oh I’m sorry (chuckles) I forgot who I was calling. We’ll take ahh a large pepperoni and throw in some garlic knots (watches Carl kicking the sign) That might cheer him up.

CUT TO: Jail – Earl is sitting in the cell all alone. His Dad and mother stand outside the cell as the prison guard opens the door. Carl walks away, followed by Kay.

Earl: Dad. (walking out the door, behind Carl and Kay) Randy had all the papers in the back of the el camino. They-they just blew out everywhere. It’s not my fault. And I was just trying to pick them all up so you could win the election. .. if you’ll just sit down with me and look at my list, and see what I’ve done so far. Please. Dad I’m trying to be a good person. I know I’ve messed up in the past but I’ve changed I promise.

Carl: I expect you to pay me back that bail money .(gets in his car and drives off)

(Randy is standing behind Earl. Earl is smiling. )

Earl: he bailed me out.

Randy: what?

Earl: he hasn’t bailed me out in over six years. He’s coming around Randy. He’s coming around.

CUT TO: Carl is reading the paper, while Kay straightens up the pictures and sits down with a magazine.

Earl: (v.o) I was foolish to think that I could win back my fathers respect by simply winning him the election. I spent most of my life causing him nothing but grief. It’s gonna take some time before he believes I’ve changed. I just have to keep doin what I’m doin and maybe one day I’ve crossed enough things off my list. Dad will be proud of me.

Carl: you know I ran into John Shepard down the street and he said Earl came by and paid for a window he broke fifteen years ago.

Kay; Really.

Carl: yep.

(A plane flies over, the pictures all tilt.)

Kay: I got it.

(Carl goes back reading his paper)

CUT TO: Earl and Randy laying in bed in the dark.

Randy: hey Earl

Earl: yeah Randy

Randy: if you could be any kind of animal in the whole world. What animal would you be?

Earl: a dog. I think I’d be a dog.

Randy: how come.