Épisode La revanche de Jessie S01E21 - My Name Is Earl Saison 1

OPENING SCENE – The Motel Room – Earl is winding up a motorcycle toy to go up a ramp and over Randy who is lying on the floor.

Earl: (v.o) As important as it is for me to cross things off my list. Its also important to take time out to enjoy the finer things in life…like jumping a tiny motorcycle over my brothers head.

Randy; I’m excited. I’m gonna stick my tongue out and see if he touches it but you gotta tell me what it looks like cos I’m too scared to keep my eyes open.

(Joy runs in and slams the door)

Joy: Earl! We got a problem.

Randy: ow

Joy: Jessie’s back

FLASHBACK – 1999 – Earl is getting pushed into ‘Ludke Bail Bonds’ by a bounty hunter, who I’m assuming is Ludke. Earl is holding a bag of ice on his crotch. Jessie is working at the front desk.

Earl: (v.o) The Jessie, Joy was talking about was my ex girlfriend. She was also number 145 on my list. I first met Jessie at her workplace, in business terms I was what you call a repeat customer.

Ludke: If you keep this up, I’m gonna have to rename this place Hickey Bail Bond.

Earl: If I was an investor I would have to institute a no nut kicking policy. (slaps over the head and drop ice. Jessie bends down to pick it up and her and Earl bump heads) Sorry about that. Here you can use my nut ice for you’re head. It’s only been on the outside of my pants.

Jessie: (smiling) aren’t you a gentleman.

Earl: (v.o) it was love at first site. So we started hanging out. (Jessie is laying on the floor surrounded by candles, it pans out to show Earl has the motorcycle jump set up over her head) In fact Jessie was the first person to ever let me jump her with a tiny motorcycle bike. She even got along with Randy, he finally found someone who enjoyed mad libs as much as he did.

(Earl is watching TV while Jessie and Randy are sitting the kitchen table)

Randy: ok read it back.

Jessie: once upon a time there was a butt princess who lived in a beautiful butt castle until one day she was captured by a fine green butt.

Randy: (laughing hysterically) a beautiful butt castle, that’s just crazy.

CUT TO – Crab Shack – Earl, Randy and Jessie are playing pool. Jessie hands Earl an envelope.

Earl: (v.o) things were going so well she even gave me a three week anniversary present.

Earl: oh my god. Metallica tickets. 3rd row. That’s close enough to get sweat on.

Jessie: I know. (kisses him) I’ll see you later.

(Earl smiles as she walks away)

Earl: (v.o) me and Jessie had a good thing going and it was all happening pretty fast but not as fast as it happened later that night with Joy. In just 7 hours I had a serious 3 week girlfriend to being a husband to a pregnant woman who name I kept forgetting. (Flashbacks from 101 – kissing Joy in the crabshack, getting wedding photo and seeing Joy’s pregnant belly the next morning) I thought about calling Jessie and talk to her and tell her what I had done… but then I realized I had to talk to her and tell her what I had done.

CUT TO – Trailer – Joy is walking around the trailer while Earl stares at the phone.

Joy: oh snap. You got us metallica tickets for out honeymoon.

Earl: actually those tickets were for ah …(joy smiling) our honeymoon.

Joy: Metallica tickets.. I’m so taking of my panties and sitting on your shoulders.

Earl: that might upset the people behind us.

Joy: (looks over the couch) there ain’t nobody behind us. (smiles and takes off her panties)

Earl: (v.o) Telling Jessie it was over was difficult before now the Metallica honeymoon made it impossible.

CUT TO – Crab Shack – Joy and Earl enter wearing Metallica t-shirts.

Joy: Great concert. The baby liked it too. He’s still banging his tiny fists on my cootie wall. He’s gonna be a drummer (kisses Earl)

Earl: (v.o) but Jessie eventually tracked me down. (Jessie walks up to Earl’s car) Which wasn’t hard cos there were two places I liked to drink and since I wasn’t in my El Camino, she found me. (Jessie enters Crab Shack as Joy and Earl finish kissing. Earl notices Jessie)

Earl: (grabbing Joy to stand in front of him) Hide me.

Jessie: Sweetie, where have you been. You ok? I’ve been trying to reach you for days.

Earl: Yeah I ahh (Jessie notices Metallica shirts)

Jessie: You went to the concert without me.

Joy: Honey why would he take you? It was our honeymoon trip. Look Lars even signed my baby hump.

Jessie: What is she talking about, honeymoon?

Earl: its actually a pretty funny story I ahh –

Joy: we got married sweetheart (shows her the ring) Read it and weep.

Earl: that’s not the funny version.

Jessie:  you married this whore?

Joy: I’m sorry. Maybe you need to read it again. (Hits Jessie with a fierce left hook, Jessie’s two front teeth fell out) Now put them teeth under your pillow and maybe the tooth fairy will bring you your own man.

(Joy grabs Earl by the shirt and they leave, Jessie still lying on the floor.)

Earl: (v.o) I felt bad about Jessie but what was I gonna do, I was married now and after seeing my wife’s left hook, I decided it was best to stay on her good side. And I figured six years later Jessie would of forgotten about me and what Joy did to her but I was wrong.

CUT TO – 3 months ago -  ‘LUDKE BAIL BONDS’ Ludke is reading out the bountys for criminals.

Ludke: alright we got Hank Lange, broke out of jail looks like 10g’s. our buddy Ralph Mariano, larceny of a dog, resisting arrest 12 hundred. Joy Turner formally known as Joy Hickey

Jessie: Did you just say Joy Hickey?

Ludke: yeah Joy Hickey failing to appear on a traffic ticket. 200.

Jessie: I’ll take this one.

Ludke: its not worth the time.

Jessie: its worth mine.

Earl: (v.o) Even though Joy’s bounty was 200 bucks a bounty hunter license was 250. Jessie took the loss. She wasn’t in it for the money. She could have gone after Joy right then but she didn’t want to bring her in she wanted to bring her down. (Jessie is struggling to do a pull-ups.) And so she set out to get tough (Jessie is practicing karate, unsuccessfully trying to flip a guy) Tough enough so she didn’t get humiliated again. (Jessie is doing pull-ups she is up to 18)

Jessie: 19……. (cat meows) I’ll feed you in a second Lolly. ……..20

(Jessie can now flip the guy in karate, she can do pull-ups in front of the bar. Her apartment is filled with gym equipment and she has a large dog)

Earl: (v.o) and after a few months that sweet secretary turned into a ass kicking bounty hunter machine.  (Jessie successfully defends herself from 5 men, she screams and she now has two gold teeth)

END FLASHBACKS - CUT TO – Joy’s Trailer – Joy and Darnell are watching tv.

Darnell: I love that wonderbug. I wish we had a car that flew.

Joy: hmm I wish we had a car that we didn’t have to start with a spoon.

Darnell: seems a waste to use a wish on something that small.

(Joy looks at Darnell confused. Outside there is someone screaming ‘bounty hunters’)

Joy: Bounty hunters. (gets up of couch and looks outside.

Guy: (banging on a rubbish tin lid) BOUNTY HUNTERS!!!

(Through the dust from the cars driving off, Jessie walks through holding a large gun looking angry)

Joy: (shocked) oh crap.

Jessie: (talking to the guy banging on the lid) Hey! Hey!  Where’s Joy Turner, I have a warrant for her arrest. (He points to Joy’s trailer)

Joy: I got to go. Quick give me the car spoon.

CUT TO – Motel Room – Randy lying on the floor, Earl looking at Joy who is leaning against the closed door.

Earl: (v.o) Since Joy didn’t want to go to jail she high tailed it over to me looking for some help.

Earl: Jessie huh?

Joy: yeah. She looks tough and she’s got a shotgun. She can toss me in the air and shoot me like a skeet Earl.

Earl: (v.o) That’s when I knew I had to do number 145 on the list. Ditched Jessie to marry Joy.

(Randy stands up with motorcycle man hanging from his hair)

Randy: Earl do we have any scissors. This motorcycle is starting to hurt my head skin.

Earl: I don’t understand this Joy, how can Jessie take you to jail.

Joy: (looking out the window) cos I got a warrant out for me not appearing in court for a stupid traffic ticket. (closes curtains) I mean just because the car’s stuck in reverse doesn’t mean the kids don’t have to go to school. This is all your fault Earl.

Earl: I know it is. I shouldn’t of left her the way I did. I guess she never got over me.

(Randy pulls the motorcycle man out of his hair)

Randy: it’s probably the moustache.

Earl: Don’t worry Joy; I’ll go talk to her.

Randy: maybe you should shave it first.

Earl: Randy that is not an option.

(Earl leaves, Randy turns to Joy)

Randy: do you wanna play madlibs?

Joy: yeah here’s a mad lib. Shut the blank up.

Randy: shut the butt up. Do another one.

CUT TO – Trailer – Darnell is sitting on the couch with the trailer completely trashed.

Earl: (v.o) Meanwhile Darnell was busy trying to stall Jessie.

Earl: hey Crabman.

Darnell: hey Earl.

Earl: where is she?

Darnell: she’s in the bedroom tearing things up looking for clues and whatnot. I’m totally freaked out can you tell?

Earl: not really

Darnell: I had a little cocktail.

(Earl nods and walks into bedroom, Jessie is pulling clothes out of the cupboard)

Earl: Hey Jessie. Ahh you look…. Intense.

Jessie: thankyou. Where is she Earl? (Earl shrugs) You’re lying. I’m trained to spot liars.

Earl: I’m not lying.

Jessie: seriously I took a seminar at the Marriott I sat in the front row. You’re lying. I’m gonna ask you one more time. Where is she Earl?

Earl: look Jessie, I’m the one that dumped you for another girl and I’m sorry about it. I’ll make it up to you. I-i-I’ll pay off your dentist bill, or jeweler bill or whoever put those in.

Jessie: this isn’t about you, this is about respect for the law. (grabs Earl buy the shirt and brings him to her face) and knocking that bitches teeth out for resisting.

(Jessie walks out of the bedroom)

CUT TO – The motel room – Joy is pacing biting her nail.

Randy: you scared to go to jail?

Joy: wouldn’t you be?

Randy: not really. You’re going to girl jail that’s way different than regular jail.

Joy: how so?

Randy: its chicks. Its just truth or dare and pillow fights like a slumber party.

(Joy stares at him disbelief, Earl enters the room)

Joy: did you talk to her? Is she gonna take me to jail?

Earl: Not right away. She’s planning on knocking your teeth out first.

Joy: I can’t lose my teeth Earl. I’m gonna be the first woman in my family to get to 30 with all my originals.

Earl: Relax Joy she doesn’t know where we are. We’ll figure something out.

Joy: I need to calm down. (gets her purse) Give me a light.

Randy: if you get locked up you should save your cigarettes, they’re like money in jail. That’s the same for boy jail and girl jail.

(Joy looks at him again in disbelief)

Earl: (hand in his pocket) that’s funny, I swear I had a box of matches in here.

(Banging on the door, Earl looks out the peephole)

Jessie: JOY!! I know you’re hiding her in there Earl. (holds up the matches)

Earl: she picked my pocket.

Jessie: I know you’re in there Earl, I can tell by the flickering light in the peephole every time you move your head. I learned that at the Marriott too!

Earl: (whispers) Randy we’re going out to the RV in the woods. Call us when she’s gone.

Randy: how am I supposed to call if she makes me dead.

(Earl grabs Joy and runs to the bathroom)

Jessie: JOY!! (bangs on door)

Earl: Come on come on come on.

(Earl helps Joy out of the bathroom window. Randy hides in the corner. Jessie kicks the door down)

Randy: Hi Jessie.

Jessie: Hi Randy. Nice to see you. You look great are you doing something different with your hair.

(Jessie is slowly looking around the room)

Randy: I switched shampoo.

(Jessie kicks in the bathroom door. No one is there. She turns around and walks back towards Randy)

Jessie: it’s working out for ya. (looks under bed) Hey have you seed your brother or Joy?

Randy: (hugging a pillow tighter) no

CUT TO – RV in the woods. – Earl is hitting the lock with a rock while Joy watches on.

Earl: (v.o) Back in the day when Joy and I wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of Camden we went to our vacation home we found by the lake. In fact there was an abandoned RV meant there was no bills to pay. But it also meant there were no keys and it had mushrooms growing in the carpet.

(Joy and Earl enter the RV)

Joy: ooh its colder in here than it is outside.

Earl: I’ll try and find us some blankets.

(Earl lifts a blanket up and there is a homeless man sleeping, he wakes up and starts screaming, Earl starts screaming and tries to get away, falling down)

CUT TO – Joy, Earl and homeless man standing outside the RV.

Earl: (v.o) Turns out a homeless man had claimed our vacation home away from us and wasn’t leaving without a bribe.

Homeless man: I want a pair of shoes and a 35 second hug. From the cute one.

Earl: alright sounds fair.

(Joy looks at him in disgust)

Earl: (v.o) what we didn’t realize at the time the shoes he wanted were Joy’s … and the one he wanted the hug from was me.

(The homeless man is wearing Joy’s shoes, hugging Earl. Earl looks disgusted while the homeless man is smiling. He walks away not very well)

CUT TO – Joy and Earl lying ing the RV trying to keep warm. Earl has give Joy his shoes

Joy; Thanks for the jacket Earl.

Earl: if anyone deserves to be cold is me.

(Joy’s phone starts ringing)

Joy: its your brother.

Earl: Hello

Randy: I want to start out by saying I’m sorry.

Earl: no no no no no Randy did you tell her where we were.

Randy: I’m sorry Earl, she found my weakness.

CUT TO - Randy is tied up with a pillowcase over his head, Jessie is hitting him, he is running around the room

Earl: (v.o) Meanwhile at the motel Jessie was working Randy. Trying to find out where me and Joy were.

Randy: in a RV. In a RV. (hits the door and falls down)

CUT TO – The RV – Earl and Joy are leaving.

Earl: don’t worry we won’t let her take you to jail. Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll drive you to gogoshen. There’s an old barn me and Ralph used to hide in pony boy style.

Joy: Earl if I’m gonna sleep in a barn I might as well go to jail.

Earl: you’re right. We’ll find you a motel around here.

Joy: Earl.

Earl: no don’t worry I’ll pay.

Joy: no Earl, you’re not gonna pay.

Earl: yes I am. Look I got enough for the first night. And I’ll go back to my place to get more.

Joy: just stop. You don’t have to do anymore Earl. Look you snuck me all the way up here you gave me your jacket and your shoes you did some gay stuff with a homeless guy. You done enough already.

Earl: this whole thing is my fault Joy. Its on my list. I ditched Jessie to run off with you.

Joy: Earl you didn’t run off. I stole you.

Earl: it seemed Joy’s lying and deceiving me started before we even met.

FLASHBACK – Crab Shack – Jessie leaving Earl after she gave him the Metallica tickets. Joy is sitting with 2 girlfriends.

Joy: Ya’ll I’m serious I don’t know how I’m gonna pay for this baby. I don’t even have a place to live. If I don’t find a man soon I’m screwed.

Girlfriend 1: how bout that guy? (it’s Randy) He looks sweet. (He licks the chalk for the pool cue)

Joy: Chalk boy.  Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m gonna marry quirky. (notices Earl, who is chalking his pool cue) What’s this hold the phone. (Earl looks at the chalk) Don’t do baby don’t do it. Don’t lick the chalk. Put it down. (Earl smells it and puts it down.) He’s perfect. But ya’ll gonna have to get him ready for me first.

Earl: (v.o) There’s only one way to get a guy like me ready to marry a pregnant woman.

(A group of people chanting ‘Drink’ as Joy’s 2 girlfriends pour alcohol in Earl’s mouth, Joy puts on her lipstick and smiles)

Earl: you girls are great. You’re girls are great. (starts laughing) whoa what were we talking about?

Girlfriend 1: I think he’s ready.

Girlfriend 2: Boo if you think we’re great you’re gonna love our friend Joy. (laughs)

Earl: Joy huh. She sounds great.

(DJ EZ Rock – It takes two starts playing on the jukebox)

Randy: oh no you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t just go old school.

(Randy pretends he’s fishing and catches the girl at the jukebox, who plays along. Earl smiles at Joy and starts dancing towards her.)

Joy: Hey.

Earl: Hey.

Earl: (v.o) And that right there was all it took. The next morning I had a hangover and Joy had a husband.

CUT TO – Earl and Joy lying in bed. Joy’s arms in lying over his. Earl wakes up and sees the ring.

Earl: oh my god you’re married.

Joy: yeah sweetie to you. (holds up Earl’s hand)

Earl: excuse me.  (gets out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom)

(Joy picks up the phone)

Joy: Hey Robin. Guess who doesn’t have to move into the shelter with you anymore? My baby’s got a daddy.

Earl: (v.o) For a minute I wondered again if I drunk 9 months of my life away.

END FLASHBACK – CUT TO  - Outside the RV - Joy and Earl. Earl is in shock.

Earl: wow. I uh wow.

Joy: Look Earl you have a lot of bad stuff you got on that list but what happened to Jessie was my fault. It shouldn’t be on there. (Joy takes his list out of his pocket and crosses it off, Earl looks impressed)

Earl: Thanks Joy.

Joy: I’m sorry for tricking you into marrying me when I was carrying another mans baby and for having yet another mans baby and for leaving you while you were in the hospital and for other stuff.

Earl: you know what its ok. We had a rough six years together but there were a lot of parts I loved.

Joy: there were a lot of parts I loved too.

(They hug. Earl is smiling. Awww.. Joy finishes hugging Earl, but he holds on. )

Joy: Earl?

Earl: Give me another minute just trying to get that gay homeless guy out of my mind.

CUT TO – Earl driving and Joy smiling.

Earl: (v.o) I was proud of Joy for turning herself in. She was on the road to a better life. Unfortunately that road has Jessie’s suburban in it.

(Jessie’s car is coming straight for them. Jessie stops her car and Earl stops his. Jessie is watching from her car chewing a toothpick)

Joy: Crap crap crap.

Earl: Let me go talk to her.

(Earl goes to get out the car, Joy stops him)

Joy: Earl. You’ve done enough taking care of me. You stay here. I’m gonna go take care of this by myself.

(Joy gets out of the car and approaches Jessie. Jessie walks toward Joy.

Joy: Look Jessie I’m turning myself in there is no need for any violence.

Jessie: we both know this isn’t about you going to jail. Say goodbye to your teeth bitch.

(Joy kicks off Earl’s shoes. Jessie spits out her toothpick. They circle each other. Jessie approaches Joy, Joy hits her with a right hook then a left. Jessie falls to the ground then gets back up. Cartwheels to Joy and tries kicking her, Joy ducks and jumps on Jessie’s back and holds her mouth open. Jessie throws Joy off and Joy hits Jessie right in the nose. As Jessie goes to hit Joy, Joy grabs her arm and bites it. Jessie screams and Joy headbutts her. Earl is whinces while watching on. Joy starts spinning Jessie around by her hair and throw her to the ground. Joy tries to get Jessie’s hair off her.  Jessie gets up, Joy hits her in the face, once, twice, left hook, right hook, undercut. Jessie falls to the ground. Joy picks up Earl’s shoes, walks past Jessie and picks up something. Joy gets in the car)

Earl: How did you learn to fight like that?

Joy: I watch a lot of Springer. Here melt these down (hands Earl Jessie’s gold teeth) bail me out.

(Earl looks disgusted. Earl starts the car and they drive away. Joy looks at Jessie as they leave. Jessie licks where her teeth used to be and rolls over and starts doing pushups.)

THE END