Épisode Le roi du golf S01E07 - My Name Is Earl Saison 1

OPENING SCENE: Crab Shack, Randy walks in with a handful of coins.

Randy: Morning. (Drops coins on bar) Can I have two beers and three of them pink eggs out of the big jar please.

Bar Tender: you got it.

Bear on TV: Hey everybody I’m the Dust the Camden county fair bear. Who’s ready for some fun? Enjoy food, fun and prizes and enjoy the Osama bin laden shooting gallery. And this year get your picture taken inside the actual car from Smoky and the Bandit. It’s gonna be fairtastic.

Randy: (Excited,screaming) its here. Its’ here. Earl. Earl its here. It’s here.

Earl: (v.o) Every year there a three things Randy gets excited about. Amnesty day at the adult video store. High school cheerleader bikini dog wash and the Camden county fair.

CUT TO: Motel room. Randy is bouncing up and down like a little kid. Catalina is making the bed and earl is putting his s

Catalina: what exactly is a county fair?

Randy: it’s like Disneyland for poor people. They’ve got a Ferris wheel, bumper boats, bands you thought were dead. Last year they had the world’s tallest midget. He was as tall as you Earl remember.

Earl: I think that might have been a scam Randy.

Randy: I don’t know. That was one tall midget. This year they’ve got the car from Smokey and the Bandit.

Catalina: What is Smokey and the Bandit?

Randy: The best movie ever made. (to Earl) Hurry up Earl, I wanna get down their before the lines are too long for the worlds smallest giant.

Earl: we’ll go. Right after I cross something off my list.

(Leaving the motel room, standing on motel balcony.)

Randy: But you did two yesterday, can’t you take the day off.

Earl: Randy I can’t enjoy myself at the fair unless I cross something off. (walks out of room)

Randy: (following) alright, pick something easy.

Earl: I will (looking at list)

Randy: (looking over Earl’s shoulder) not the deaf girl, that’s gonna take forever.

Earl: here we go. Number 139 stole beer from a golfer.

FLASHBACK: Golf club

Earl: (v.o) about seven months ago I was playing a game of chance with a few of my friends over at the local country club.

Earl: (rolls a pair of dice) Son of a bitch. That’s it for me Pablo I’m tapped out. (stands up to leave) good luck fellas. (Pablo is counting money)

(Earl is walking through the people at the bar, walks over to the nut bowl, pulls out a nut)

Earl: (to himself) cashew. Fancy. (puts it in his pocket. )

(A guy walks in with some guys towards the bar, later we find out his name is Scott)

Scott: Beers are on me boys. I just got a hole in one. (the guys cheer)

Bartender: (hands Earl a beer) Here you go sir.

Earl: (v.o) some people a free beer might not mean to much but for a guy who just lost his last twelve dollars, who’s stuffing free nuts into his pocket, it’s a lifesaver. (drinks the beer). I explained to Randy how this guy buys drinks after he gets one of these holes in one, and the next Saturday we went back for more free beer. (Earl and Randy dressed up like golfers, standing at the country clubs bar) To make sure we looked like we belonged there we went by the thrift store to pick up some golfing clothes.

Earl: hey you just finished playing a golf game match contest?

Scott: Yep.

Randy: you get any holes in ones.

Scott: No.

Earl: you sure. You got one last week,

Scott: Yeah. I’m pretty sure I didn’t. (to Randy) what did you shoot?

Randy: who me.

Scott: Yeah. Get any birdies out there.

Randy: (confused) I got 12.

Scott: You got 12 birdies, how many under were you.

Randy: umm, excuse me I have to go pay my banker. (walks away)

Scott: What’s that guys handicap?

Earl: ahh he’s just a little slow that’s all.

Earl: (v.o) turns out, holes in ones don’t happen that often. So we decided to help things out a little.

(Scott hits the ball, Randy and Earl are hiding in the bushes near the tee, Earl runs out picks up the ball and puts in the hole. Scott walks down looking for his ball and finds it in the hole and starts screaming)

(Inside country club, Scott walks in)

Scott: guess who just got another hole in one. (guys at beer including Earl and Randy clapping)

(Scott hits another ball, this time randy runs out and puts the ball in the hole.)

Earl: (v.o) every Saturday, Randy and I would make sure this guy hit a perfect shot.

(Inside at bar)

Scott: next Saturday if I break eighty. I’m buying all you guys lunch. (the guys cheer)

(Randy is looking through binoculars to see when its Scotts turn to hit)

Earl: (v.o) knowing that we could start getting free lunches with our free beer. Randy and I made sure this guy had the game of his life. (Randy signals to Earl to go, Earl runs across the course picks up the ball and throws it closer to the green)

Scott: guys you’re not going to believe this but I just got another hole in one and a new course record.

(Randy jumps up and down gives Scott a high five.)

Earl: you’re the man.

Scott; hey, lets get these boys some hot wings, make em spicy cos I’m on fire.

Earl: he’s on fire.

(Randy jumping up and down still hugs Scott)

Earl: (to bartender) make mine mild, I got a sensitive tongue.

Earl: (v.o) every Saturday we’d make sure the golfer played good enough to pay our bar tab. (the ball is hit into the bushes, Earl catches it and throws it back.) Things were great until Randy started bragging to everyone at the Crab Shack.

(Country club bar, Scott walks in)

Scott: guess who got another

(Everyone Randy told is standing there screaming.)

Earl: (v.o) that was the day they started checking ids at the door. The free ride was over.

END FLASHBACK – CUT TO PRESENT - Earl and Randy on the balcony at motel.

Earl: All I got to do is buy that golfer some beer. Easy enough for you.

Randy: Eastbound down, lets do it snowman

Earl: you mean the bandit. I’m the bandit, you’re snowman.

Randy: why do you always get to be the bandit.

Earl: cos I got a moustache, you got to have a moustache to be the bandit.

Catalina: (walking out of motel room) my mother could be the bandit.

CUT TO: Earl giving Scott cases of beer.

Scott: I can’t believe you did that.

Earl: I know. It’s crazy, but its true. Its right here on my list (holding up list) stole beer from a golfer. I’m here to make things right though so if you want to give me a hand you can load this beer in your car and I’ll be on my way.

Randy: we’re going to the fair. You know the one the bear talks about on tv.

Scott: you were fixing my game. I thought I had mastered golf, I was gonna go pro. This is why I’ve been so bad lately I just thought I was in a slump. I’ve done nothing for the past five months expcept trying to get good again, I had a tendon from my thigh put in my arm, to get more release from my drives .

Earl: well now you can stop wasting your time and start drinking some free beer. (hands Scott a beer) Go ahead and pop open your trunk and we’ll get these cases in there so I can cross you off my list.

Scott: (disappointed) sure whatever. (drops his bag on the gorund)

(Scott opens his trunk, there are toiletries)

Earl: you’re trunks kina full. How you gonna get all this beer back to your house.

Scott: this is my house.

Earl: you live in your car.

Randy: cool

Earl: I remember you having a fancy job or something.

Scott: I was an accountant at Buckland and Simon but I got fired right after I lost my focus.

FLASHBACK: A business meeting is taking place, Scott walks in wearing his golfing gear.

Scott: sorry I had ah doctors appointment.

END FLASHBACK - CUT TO – Scott in his car plugs his tv in his cigarette lighter. A toilet roll falls out.

Scott: once I got obsessed with golf it was all I thought about. Lost everything.

Randy: now you have beer this time. Sometimes things work out.

Scott: Thanks for telling me the truth. You can cross me off your list thing. Go have fun at the fair.

Randy: (excited) oh we will. Fair fair fair fair fair

Earl: (hands back toilet paper) Sorry again. See ya.

(Scott pulls his hood over his head and drinks the beer, Earl gets in his car)

Earl: (to Randy) he doesn’t look happy.

Randy: who.

Earl: Scott, the guy living in his car. It’s my fault Randy, I ruined his life. I got to fix it.

Randy: fix what. He’s got a nice car, its got a tv in it Earl.

Earl: I’m not done with him, until I get his job back.

(The Camden county fair ad is on Scotts tv)

Bear on TV: This is the fair bear here, two days left until the fair goes into hi-bernation. So don’t get caught napping. Come to the fair, it’s bearific.

Randy: (laughing) bear-ific. (his face falls) bear-ific.

CUT TO: Boardroom, Earl is there with Scotts boss.

Earl: (v.o) I wanted them to take me seriously when I went to try and get Scotts job back. So I wore the suit my public defender bought me.

Scott's Boss: So wait a minute. You made him think he was great at golf just to get free beer?

Earl: Yes we did.

Scott's Boss: (Laughing) Unbelieveable

Earl: Will you take him back?

Scott's Boss: (Still laughing) Sure I'll take him back, just for the jokes alone.

CUT TO: Earl knocking on Scotts car window.

Scott: (opens the window) oh hey Earl. Coffee? (holds up coffee machine)

Earl: got your job back buddy.

Scott: you’re kidding. That’s amazing thank you so much.

Earl: that’s what I do. I fix things.

Scott: it’s too bad I don’t have my girlfriend back, than things would be perfect.

Earl: your who?

Scott: Tess,

Earl: (v.o) it turns out Scott lost more than just his job, when he became obsessed with golf.

FLASHBACK: Tess is sitting on a couch alone, while Scott hits golf balls into a net.

Scott: Honey, could you scooch down the couch, I can see you moving around in my backswing, it’s a little distracting.

Tess: (stands up) I’m breaking up with you. When I get back home I want you out.

Scott: ok honey. Have fun. (Tess leaves) could you grab my new putting machine from the car on the way back up please. (hits the ball, misses the net) what’s wrong with me?

END FLASHBACK

CUT TO - Earl talking to Scott.

Earl: Let’s go call your girlfriend.

Scott: no no you don’t have to do that.

Earl: yes I do, (points to list) yes I do.

(Randy is disappointed)

CUT TO: Motel room, Randy and Catalina are watching tv.

Bear on Tv: Only two days left to see the car from Smoky and the Bandit. It’s Bear-Awesome.

Randy; oh man it is bear awesome. We’re never gonna make it to the fair.

Scott: (to Earl) She took the phone off the hook.

Earl: don’t worry about it we’ll get her. (to Randy) and then we’ll go to the fair. We just have to figure out how to get his girl back.

Catalina: what would the bandit do bandit.

Randy: the bandit wouldn’t lose the girl in the first place.

Earl: no he wouldn’t have. (thinking) but guys from other movies have.

CUT TO: Scott standing outside a building, burning his golf clubs and holding up a stereo. An African American man stands at the window of the downstairs apartment.

Earl: (v.o) maybe the bandit never had to get a girl back but I did see a movie once where the guy from Ferris Bueller did, so I though we’d try that.

Guy: what the hell are you doing? (looking at the golf clubs) is that a cross.

Scott: no. god no that’s my seven iron resting up top of the. (kicks down his golf clubs) I’m trying to get my old girlfriend to see that I’m giving up golf, she lives above you sorry.

Tess: (at window) Scott. What are you doing?

Scott: I’m proving my love.

Tess: by burning a nazi cross in my yard.

Scott: oh man.

Earl: I got it.

Scott; I’m burning my golf clubs cos I’m done with golf. I’ll do anything to get you back. I never should put golf ahead of you. Please forgive me. I miss you.

Tess: ohhh, I miss you too.

Earl: damn it.

Tess: who is that.

Scott: that’s Earl. I’m on his list.

Earl: how you doin?

Tess: hi. Your foot is on fire.

Earl: (looks down and starts screaming) Get it off get it off (kicks his shoe off, goes into the other guys window.)

Guy: we’re not moving.

Earl and Scott: Sorry sir.

CUT TO: Inside Tess and Scotts apartment, Earl is helping Scott move his stuff back.

Earl: well that’s the last one. You’re officially moved back in. (honking horn outside) Hang on. (Earl walks to window, to Randy) I’m coming. (to Scott and Tess) okay. You got your job back, your girlfriend, you moved back into your old place, I think we’re done.

Scott: thank you so much. This is so great life is back to normal again. Poochy! Poochy! Come here boy. Poochy! Poochy!

Tess: ahh, Scott, Poochy’s gone.

Scott: what do you mean?

Tess: when you left, I had to take a second job, to pay the rent and I couldn’t take care of him. I gave him up for adoption. (Scott looking at a Christmas card of Tess, him and the dog)

(Earl is frustrated that he’s not finished)

Earl: I’ll find your dog.

Tess: what?

Earl: it’s my fault he’s gone, just write the name of the pet adoption place on the back of the picture and I’ll find him. (hands Tess a pen)

Tess: okay. Great. Thanks.

Scott: no Earl you’ve already done so much, you can cross me off your list. I don’t mind.

Earl: it doesn’t matter if you don’t mind. Karma minds. Your old life had a poochy, I gotta find your poochy. Its how the list works. (Tess hands Earl the photo)

Randy: (walks in apartment) come on Bandit, we got a long way to go and a short time to get there.

Earl: Sorry snowman, (Randy takes the photo) we gotta a little longer to go.

Scott: (excitedly) you guys are gonna find Poochy

Randy: no no Earl. The fair?

Earl: (to Tess and Scott) excuse us. (Drags Randy outside in the hall)

Randy: (whispers to Tess and Scott) I hate you.

(Outside in hall)

Earl: look I have to do this.

Randy: The fair its almost over.

Earl: (sarcastically) Really Randy. The fair’s in town. This is the first time you’ve said anything about it.

Randy: you said we wouldn’t miss it. You said you would cross something easy off your list and then we’d go.

Earl: Randy, what do you want me to do. Maybe if you quit whining about the stupid fair and helped out a little more, maybe I’d be done already.

Randy: since when is the fair stupid. We’ve been going since we were little kids. Remember when we used to have fun?

Earl: Randy, life isn’t about always having fun, maybe its time you to grow up and realize that. Now go wait in the car.

(Randy walks away sad, Earl goes back into apartment)

Earl: Sorry about that.don’t worry I’ll find your dog. But htats it right, then your life is exactly back to the way it was seven months ago, we’re done.

Scott: yeah, I think that’s completely everytghing back to normal.

Earl: good.

Scott: unless (to Tess) you didn’t have sex with anyone else while we were broken up , did you?

Tess: I used my hand on a guy alittle.

Earl: yeah I’m not sure how to unring that bell.

CUT TO: Earl at the car, Randy is not there.

Earl: Randy! Randy!

Scott: (walking towards Earl) what’s going on?

Earl: my damn brother took off with my car keys. Probably hitched a ride to the fair.

Scott: that sucks. Do you want a ride, I was gonna shave anyway.

Earl: sure. Thanks.

CUT TO: The Fair – Earl is walking back to Scotts car, Scott is shaving.

Earl: He’s not in there. Doesn’t make sense, he’s been bugging me all week.

Scott: people are funny, when I was in to golf, Tess used to bug me about taking her to Colonial Williamsburg. After she left me, did she go? No. She went to OzzFest and tuned some guys butt.

Earl: oh my god. I’m doing the same thing you did. I’m obsessed with my list. My list is my golf. I got to find my brother.

(Scott starts up his car, and they drive off.)

CUT TO: Crab Shack – Earl is there by himself.

Earl: (v.o) I wanted to tell Randy I was sorry for the way I acted. I figured he would eventually show up at the Crab Shack. (Earl touches the bar where Randy had carved in ‘Randy waz here’, which was carved in other places down the bar) But he didn’t

(Day - Motel Room – Earl is there waiting, he touches another of Randy’s carvings)

(Night - Motel Room – Earl is asleep on the couch)

(Morning – Motel Room – Earl wakes up)

Earl: (v.o) when he didn’t come home all night, I started to get worried. (Earl gets up from the couch.) I went to look for him in the one place I didn’t want to find him.

CUT TO: Hospital – Earl is walking up to a nurse.

Nurse: hello there. What can I do you for?

Earl: (holding up a photo of Randy and him) This guy hasn’t been in here has he?

Nurse: yeah. He’s here right now.

Earl: where?

Nurse: right in front of me. That’s you silly. (laughs)

Earl: How bout the guy in the picture that isn’t me, have you seen him?

Nurse: oh yeah, he came in.

Earl: what happened is he okay?

Nurse: don’t worry, he just wanted to sell some of his blood for a bus ticket.

Earl: are you sure it was him.

Nurse: yeah I had to yell at him, because he was carving into that chair over there. (‘Randy waz h’ is carved)

CUT TO: Bus ticket counter. Earl is talking to an old guy.

Earl: (holding up photo) yeah I know that’s me. How bout the guy in the picture that isn’t me, have you seen him.

Guy: oh yeah, I sold him a ticket to Hagerstown.

Earl: Hagerstown.

Guy: oh while we’re showing pictures (pulls out a picture) This is my daughter. That’s her fiancé Paul. He’s Canadian. But not the French kind so we’re fine with it.

CUT TO: Bus - Earl is on the bus talking to a girl.

Earl: so he ran off to Hagerstown. He took my car keys and couldn’t follow him. (The girl offers him fun dip) I’m good, thanks. (the girl offers him again, Earl licks his finger and dips in the bag) I just hope he forgives me when I find him. I just can’t stand the thought of him all alone somewhere, miserable and hating me.

(Earl looks out the bus window, another bus is passing and Randy’s head is out of a window, he is holding the dog.)

Earl: (yells to bus driver) stop the bus!

(in the other bus)

Randy: (stands up, drop the dog and yells) stop the… (as he stands he hits his head on the overhed shelf, to the lady in front) could you please tell him to stop the bus.

(Both buses have stopped, Randy gets out holding the dog. Earl runs over to him)

Earl: You went to get the dog.

Randy: yeah. The adoption place told me where to find him in Hagerstown. You were right Earl, I shouldn’t be complaining, I should’ve been helping. (the dog is squirming and jumps out of Randy’s hands, Randy runs after it) come here poochy.

Earl: (v.o) the thing is I wasn’t right, I was dead wrong. Randy was too sweet to notice. (Earl is watching Randy play with the dog, gets out his list) That’s when I realized I needed to add something to my list. Number 260, Neglected Randy. One I don’t plan on crossing off. That way I’ll never stop trying to make it up to him.

Earl: come on Randy, I bet if we can get on this bus we can catch the last couple of hours of the fair.

(The bus drives off, and so does the other one.)

Randy: that’s okay Earl. We can go to the fair next year. (Randy holds up Earl’s finger) is that blue sugar in a bag?

Earl: yeah.

Randy: can I have it?

Earl: Alright go ahead.

(Randy licks it off Earls finger and smile like a little kid.)

CUT TO: Randy is walking eating fun dip

Earl: (v.o) Randy was right we would go to the fair next year. But I still felt like I owed him something for missing it this year.

(A car pulls up beside him, Earl is beeping the horn, wearing a cowboy hat)

Randy: (in awe) the bandit car.

Earl: I caught up with the fair outside Cumberland and convinced them to rent it to us for the day.